Sex in a loving relationship can be the deepest and most meaningful Loving Sex helps couples to overcome these barriers The Book of Joy and Passion. Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Dr Laura Berman is the founder and director of the Berman Center in Chicago, which specialises in sexual health. She is a. Loving Sex: The Book of Joy and Passion [Laura Berman] on nbafinals.info * FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Sex in a loving relationship can be the deepest.
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By Laura Berman. Intercourse in a loving courting will be the inner most and so much significant event a pair can proportion and but many. Excited to long term loving happiness as online sharing landscape and orgasm. Yesnothank you for couples laura berman loving. Sex means as part of items. sexual satisfaction, security, and happiness in a combination and arrangement that Psychoanalysis has a mixed history when it comes to love, sex, and romance. When one reads his posthumously published book, Can Love Last ( ), . sexual passion within a relationship and the pursuit of sexual.
In this respect we have tried to stay wide open. One of the original aims of this book was to cure the notion, born of non-discussion, that common sex needs are odd or weird; the whole joy of sex-with-love is that there are no rules, so long as you enjoy, and the choice is practically unlimited. We have, however, left out long discussion of very specialized sexual preferences; people who like these know already what they want to try.
The nal group of readers are the hardy experimentalists, bent on trying absolutely everything. The worst you can get, given sensible safety precautions, is sore, anxious, or disappointed. However, one needs a steady basic diet of quiet, loving, night- and-morning intercourse to stand this experimentation on, simply because, contrary to popular ideas, the more regular sex a couple has, the higher the deliberately contrived peaks — just as the more you cook routinely, the better and the more reliable banquets you can stage.
One speci c group of readers deserves special note. A physical disability is not an obstacle to ful lling sex.
The best approach is probably to go through the book with your partner, marking o the things you can do. Talking to other couples where one partner has a problem similar to yours is another resource. In sum, the people we are addressing are the adventurous and uninhibited lovers who want to nd the limits of their ability to enjoy sex. That means we take some things for granted — having intercourse naked and spending time over it; being able and willing to make it last, up to a whole afternoon on occasion; having privacy; not being scared of things like genital kisses; not being obsessed with one sexual trick to the exclusion of all others; and, of course, loving each other.
As the title implies, this book is about love as well as sex: By feedback, we mean the right mixture of stop and go, tough and tender, exertion and a ection. This comes by empathy and long mutual knowledge. The starting point of all lovemaking is close bodily contact; love has been de ned as the harmony of two souls, and the contact of two epiderms. That includes our feelings of identity, forcefulness, and so on, and all of our fantasy needs.
Elaboration in sex is something we need rather specially and it has the advantage that if we really make it work, it makes us more, not less, receptive to each other as people. Those are the assumptions on which this book is based. Granted this, there are two modes of sex — the duet and the solo — and a good concert alternates between the two. The duet is a cooperative e ort aiming at simultaneous orgasm, or at least one orgasm each, and complete, untechnically planned release.
This is the basic sexual meal. The solo, by contrast, is when one partner is the player and the other the instrument. The instrument does lose control — in fact, with a responsive instrument and a skillful performer, this is the concerto situation — and if it ends in an uncontrollable ensemble, so much the better. All the elements of music and dance are involved — rhythm, mounting tension, tantalization, even forcefulness: The antique idea of the woman as passive and the man as performer used to ensure that he would show o playing solos on her, and early marriage manuals perpetuated this idea.
Today, she is herself the soloist par excellence, whether in getting him excited to start with, or in controlling him and showing o all her skills. Solo recitals are not, of course, necessarily separate from intercourse. Solo response can be electrifyingly extreme in the quietest people. The solo-given orgasm, whether from her or from him, is unique — neither bigger nor smaller in either sex than a full duet but di erent; sharper but not so round. And most people who have experienced both like to alternate them.
Trying to say how they di er is a little like describing wine. Differ they do, however, and much depends on cultivating and alternating them. In fact, being stuck rigidly with one sex technique usually means anxiety.
In this book we have not, for example, focused on coital postures to the exclusion of all else. The common positions are now familiar to most people from writing and pictures if not from trial — the more extreme ones, as a rule, should be spontaneous, but few of them have marked advantages.
One of the things still missing from the essence of sexual freedom is the unashamed ability to use sex as play. In the past, ideas of maturity were nearly as much to blame as old-style moralisms about what is normal or perverse. We are all immature, and have anxieties and aggressions. Coital play, like dreaming, may be a programmed way of dealing acceptably with these, just as children express their fears and aggressions in games.
Adults are unfortunately afraid of playing games, dressing up, and acting scenes. It makes them self-conscious: If we were able to transmit the sense of play that is essential to a full, enterprising, and healthily immature view of sex between committed people, we would be performing a mitzvah: Other ways of making love are special in various ways, and the changes of timbre are in nitely varied — complicated ones are for special occasions, or special uses like holding o an over-quick male orgasm, or are things that, like pepper steak, are stunning once a year but not staples.
One is: This can be easier than it sounds, because unless their partner wants something they nd actively o -putting, real lovers get a reward not only from their own satisfaction but also from seeing the other respond and become satis ed. Reading a full list of the unscheduled accessory sex behaviors that some normal people nd helpful might be thought a necessary preliminary to any extended sexual relationship.
The traditional expedient at the point where the surface gets dull is to trade in the relationship and start all over in an equally uninstructed attempt with someone else, on the o chance of getting a better match-up by random choice.
This is emotionally wasteful, and you usually repeat the same mistakes; better by far to repolish. Sex books can only suggest techniques in order to encourage you to experiment. Tenderness is shown fully in the way you touch each other. No really tender person can simply turn over and go to sleep afterwards. More women respond to very light than to very heavy stimulation — just brushing pubic or skin hairs will usually do far more than a whole-hand grab.
Women, by contrast, often fail to use enough pressure, especially in hand work, though the light, light variety is a sensation on its own. Start very gently, making full use of the skin surface, and work up.
Stimulus toleration in any case increases with sexual excitement and even hard blows can become excitants though not for everyone. If we could teach tenderness, most of this book would be superseded. If you are really heavy-handed, a little practice with inanimate surfaces, dress fastenings, and so on will help. If there is a problem here, remember you both can talk. The ultimate test is whether you can bear to nd the person there when you wake up.
If you are actually pleased, then you can be sure that you are onto the right thing. This is for daylight; it is di cult to sleep in them. The only exception may be after; warm bodies tend to stick, and a blotter worn by one or other can add to comfort.
Nudists used to be associated with health fanatics enjoying a strict regime of cold showers and vigorous sports. Now, thank goodness, a more relaxed attitude prevails. Today, nudity is natural, not a ritual. There is, however, a lot to be said for the opportunity to look at men and women in general under unforced conditions; it is the discharge of residual anxiety of this sort about our body acceptability that probably makes group nudity so relaxing, rather than the opportunity to get an all-over tan.
There is also evidence that children brought up in a naturist environment may be more responsible when faced with sexual opportunities and asked to make sexual choices. You should be able to pick a naturist club to taste — they o er facilities for open-air nakedness, which are hard to organize at home, and are universally tough on sexual advances, which makes for an almost uniquely relaxed atmosphere.
It matters to us who is doing what, far more than it does to most men. Is it fair, I wonder, to give a simple instance? You, sir, can make orgiastically satisfactory love with a near stranger in half an hour at. Granted this however, there are common reactions. Granted this di erence, however, there are common reactions.
We seem to be less heavily programmed than you for speci c turn-ons, but once we see one of these working on a man we care about, we soon program it into our own response, and can be less rigid and more experimental because of this ability.
Another important thing is the tough-tender mixture: You never get anywhere by clumsy brutality; however brutal good lovemaking sometimes looks, the turn-on is strength-skill-control, not large bruises, and the ability to be tender with it. No obsessive views about reciprocity — who comes on top and so on evens out during the passing of time: Men have a real advantage here in the constructive use of play and can help women to act it out too.
Since we all have some aggressions, good sex can be wildly forceful, but still never cruel. As for sexual equality, nobody can possibly be a good lover without regarding their partner as a person and an equal.
That is really all there is to be said on the matter. Our own smell excites us as well as yours. We learn, over a period of time, that the sort of hand- and mouth work that men like varies enormously. Some like it very rough, some hate it anything but extremely gentle, others in between. Finally, you should never presume that what excites one woman sexually will work just as well on another woman.
Women probably do di er sexually rather more than men, because of the greater complexity of our sexual apparatus breasts, skin, and so on as well as pussy. This is also true for a woman with a new man, but perhaps a little less so. Our sexual response is far brisker and more automatic: You seem to find this hard to understand. Secondly, most though not all male feeling is ultimately centered in the last inch of the penis though you can, if you start intelligently, teach us female-type sensitivity all over the surface of our skin.
It explains why we are emphatically penis-centered and tend to open the proceedings with genital play, probably before you are ready and when you would much rather wait to get in the mood. Genital approach is how we get into the mood. You need to understand these reactions, as we need to understand yours. Sex may be about the only place in our lives where we get to be held and nurtured.
Personal folklore apart, what the male turn-on equipment requires is the exact reverse of a virgin or a passively recipient instrument — not a demand situation, because that in itself can threaten a turno due to feelings of inadequacy, but a skill situation; I can turn you on, and turn myself on in doing so, and from that point we play it both ways and together. For the most part, they form a constant underpinning of mood, supporting though never replacing the honest-to-goodness sexual diesel generated by enthusiastic lovers.
A peak or a valley, on the other hand, can impact. Sexually, the crucial fuel is testosterone, for her as well as for him. His will peak during his twenties, then settle into a more or less consistent pattern, dipping over the course of a long-term relationship and rising in a new one; no excuse for straying, but a possible explanation of the temptation to do so.
In her, testosterone has the same e ect, raising desire, demand, and energy; in the last third of her menstrual month, when levels of the hormone are high, try more urgent, ghting sex. Around the menopause, as estrogen drops away and testosterone levels stay high, she may nd to her delight a lust that lasts for months or years — a second adolescence of which she can take full advantage.
Prolactin is released when breast-feeding too, another reason why postpartum she may be utterly turned o all things sexual — just as the contraceptive pill, breast- feeding, and stress may imbalance her general hormone levels, with the same low-desire result. If the machine falters, however, science is increasingly able to supply an answer; see your doctor.
Yes, many recognize who they are early in life and never shift. But adolescents often experiment before settling, and adults dream; same- sex relationships are in the top three sexual fantasies for heterosexuals, and some of the most surprising people — like Hans Christian Andersen — live out such dreams in real life. If you occasionally wonder — as opposed to having strong and clear desires in a particular direction — you are probably not gay but curious.
Your own answer, once found, could transform your sex life and also your life in general; passion can ow and activities that seemed o -putting with one gender can, with the other, feel natural and ful lling. This book is written for the straight reader but, within the context of a loving relationship, behaviors borrowed from the whole range of possible preferences can have their uses. At the other end of the extreme, a partner who starts o lacking in con dence only proves delightful if they ultimately bene t from care and feeding; lasting and insistent insecurity is draining in bed and out of it.
This has nothing to do with looks. Nowadays, almost all women — and an increasing number of men — are scared of being spurned on that count, but this is because the media manipulates body image. Note to her: If he has ever hugged you clothed, he already knows your shape; if when you are unclothed he has an erection, then he not only accepts but lusts after it.
Note to him: He, however, may have other insecurities. But in terms of pure erection, there are always other ways — and for most women those ways are just as acceptable, certainly on an occasional basis. If generally nervous, the answer is to end up in bed only with a partner one is relaxed with and then try things out.
As with all human activities, the way to mastery is through play. She says: The natural perfume of a clean woman: It comes from the whole of her — hair, skin, breasts, armpits, genitals, and the clothing she has worn: Wrong means not so much unpleasant as intangibly not for them. Often their awareness of a man includes conditioned extras such as work odors or aftershave. We now know the science behind all this — pheromones, a kind of biological speed-bonding, making one attractive, relaxing a potential partner, creating mood.
Susceptibility and consciousness of human clean perfumes vary in both sexes. Women have the keener sense of smell, but men respond to it more as an attractant. Far more human loves and antipathies are based on smell than our deodorant-and-aftershave culture admits. Better by far would be soap and water, although the unfortunates who sweat profusely may well have problems.
A mouthful of aluminium chloride in an armpit is one of the biggest disappointments bed can a ord, and a truly deodorized partner would be another. There is no excuse for bad breath or the unilateral eating of garlic. Where lovemaking regularly happens at the end of a long, hot, or hard day, create a ritual of showering together beforehand. Take it seriously. Many women shave their armpit hair, conditioned as they are by the idea that hairlessness is sexy.
Opinions are divided on this one — fashion dictates armpits should be bare, but hairs catch our pheromonal scent. These are antennae and powder pu s to introduce herself in a room, or in lovemaking. In the genital kiss, start with the lips covered, then brush the closed lips, then open her; when she gives the kiss to a man, she proceeds in the same order. She will feel much more at ease with this if he says clearly that he likes her scent and taste. Many women labor under the belief that their natural odor, particularly the pussy scent, is too strong.
He can reverse this more or less instantly by showing enthusiasm. Can be stroked, sucked, squeezed, licked, softly stimulated with a vibrator — go up one side and down the other. Her perineum — between vagina and anus — is as sensitive as his; tease gently with a ngertip. The U-spot see trigger points , between clitoris and vagina, can also be gently pressed in circular movements — use a careful knuckle or the tip of his penis; an unerect penis will give di erent sensations from an erect one.
If she is sensitive post- climax, this will help her scale the peak again. She may be insecure about the way she looks here — color, thickness, and size — but this is just one more re ection of the fact that most genital images we see have been doctored. New or growing lumps or bumps, however, like rashes or pain, need attention.
This is sad, for the vagina to her is as powerful yet vulnerable as the penis is to him, the source of reassuring menstrual blood, thudding orgasms, longed-for birth. Theoretically, only the rst third of the vagina is truly sensitive; as a symbol of her openness and femininity, however, the whole of it is at the heart of her sexuality.
Apart from this, any staining, discharge, rash, bleeding, or pain indicates infection and needs checking out; have regular Pap smears and a vaccination too, please, to protect against cervical cancer.
The normal vaginal odor varies greatly between women and between times, but should always be pleasant and sexually exciting. A healthy vagina self-cleans. She should learn to kiss with it — she has two mouths to his one. Smugly, it also has twice the number of nerve endings as its male counterpart. Whether because of too little knowledge or too much distrust, society has never given the clitoris the same weight of symbolism as the penis.
Comedienne Carol Leifer put it more succinctly: It is, of course, the only human organ designed purely for pleasure. Many men are not aware, if they are oversold on direct clitoris stimulation, that most women can be brought to orgasm simply by holding this gently in the cupped hand and kneading or shaking it, before, without, or as well as putting a nger in the vagina see pubic hair.
He can either grasp it it exactly ts the palm or rest the heel of his hand on it while using the ngers on the labia, or he can cup the whole area, mons and closed labia, in palm and ngers; he can then practice seeing how much sensation he can produce with her lying completely closed.
In return, she can grasp his mons, circling his penis with her ngers, her other hand on his scrotum — though typically the e ect is not the same; some men find that it simply tickles. Just how sensitive they are, in men as well as in women, varies enormously, and according to physical state and mood.
As with other sexual organs, size is unimportant in relation to sensitivity; if it still creates insecurity, however, fascinated attention is a more e ective cure than surgery. Going round and round the nipple with the tongue tip or the glans, soft kneading with both hands, gentle biting, and sucking gently like a baby are the best gambits — she can do the same for him. While there, both can occasionally check for suspicious lumps.
If her breasts are big enough to meet, one can get a surprising degree of mutuality from intermammary intercourse. She lies half at on pillows, he kneels astride big toe to her clitoris if she needs helping with his foreskin, if he has one, fully retracted. Either he or she can hold the breasts together — wrap them around the shaft rather than rub the glans with them. It should protrude clear, just below her chin. Intercourse between the breasts is equally good in other positions — head to tail, or with her on top especially if she has small breasts , or man sitting, woman kneeling; experiment accordingly.
Breasts, vagina, and clitoris all at once make the fastest and most concentrated buildup of sensation once intercourse has begun, for some women at least. Many easily stimulated women can also experience a rather special pleasure from suckling a baby. A man who can dial this correctly and will only take the time can do anything. Palm-brushing, eyelash-brushing, licking, and loud sucking like a baby can work wonders; the orgasms one gets from these are mind-blowing without detracting a jot from intercourse to come after.
Please take time. If the e ect seems lacking, assiduous attention over time may help; try gentle circles with a toothbrush. Fluctuating hormones before her period can turn sensitivity into discomfort, and if there is itching, swelling, bleeding, or discharge, get it checked out. This applies to him as well as to her. The aim is a balance of pleasure and pain; after, once pressure is released, the whole body will be achingly sensitive for hours.
When taken o , pinch with ngers, then release slowly to allow the blood to ow back in comfortably. Limit time on such play — 15 minutes is enough. Actually the original primate focus, being brightly colored in most apes; apparently equally fancied by the Neanderthals, who produced some of the best Stone Age figurines. The buttocks are a major erogenous zone in both sexes, though less sensitive than breasts because they have fewer nerves and a layer of fat, and so need stronger stimulation holding, kneading, slapping, or even harder beating — see discipline.
Intercourse from behind see rear entry is a pleasure in itself, but be careful if she has a weak back. These extra sensations are well worth cultivating deliberately. Visually, good buttocks are a turn-on in almost equal measure for both sexes. In any case, its texture, erectility, and so on are fascinating to both sexes, and its apparent autonomy, a little alarming. Like the vagina, the penis collects anxieties and folklore, and is a focus for all sorts of magical manipulations.
This explains the irrational male preoccupation with penile size. If anything, thickness matters more than length. Nor has accid size anything to do with erect size — a penis that is large when at rest simply enlarges less with erection. Nor, except in very rare cases, is a penis too big for a woman — widthwise, the vagina will take a full-term baby.
Shape also varies — the glans can be blunt or conical. This matters only in that the conical shape can make receptacle-tipped condoms uncomfortable through getting jammed in the tip. There is a whole play scene connected with uncapping, sti ening, and handling it, making it pulsate or ejaculate, that is a major part of togetherness.
This is equally important for the man — not only is it ego-boosting, but good hand- and mouth work practically guarantee a good sexual partner. Care and maintenance: This usually happens with the woman on top if she is careless near orgasm, or in putting him in, and he is just short of fully sti — keep a little control here.
It is possible, though di cult, to fracture one of the two hydraulics contained in the shaft. This is very painful and can lead to pain or kinking on subsequent erection. The normal organ will stand up to extremely hard use, but not to these. Avoid also silly tricks with suction and so on — see inflators. Sores, discharge, lumps, bumps, bleeding, and so on signal illnesses and need treatment. If the foreskin is dry from masturbation or long retraction, saliva is the recommended lubricant.
That, however, is its only importance in matters sexual. Smaller ones work equally well in most positions — and may, as only the rst few inches of the vagina are sensitive, actually work better than larger examples.
Non-erect size in the male is equally unimportant — some men before erection show no penile shaft at all, but extend to full size easily. The same applies to testicle weight — it varies, as does nose or mouth size, but has little to do with function.
Small genitals are usually due to active muscles in the layer beneath the skin — a cold bath will shrink the best-endowed male down to Greek-statue proportions.
She should learn not to comment on it except favorably; he should learn not to give it a second thought. The few cases where male genitalia are really infantile occur in conjunction with major gland disturbances and are treatable but rare.
All the above reassurance also applies to vaginal size. Nor is any vagina too large: Long term, do Kegel exercises see pompoir to keep muscles toned — though lots of sex works just as well and she will enjoy it more.
Apart from postpartum stitching, surgery to tighten the vagina is usually a re ection of lack of con dence on her part or inappropriate demands on his. Genital anatomy probably xes which postures work best for a given couple, but no more than that. With rare exceptions, men and women are universally adapted. As to the size of other structures, such as breasts, these may be individual turn-ons, but every build has its sexual opportunities built in: It still persists — for cultural as well as supposed health reasons.
Holding the skin back hard with the hand her hand during intercourse works for both the circumcised and uncircumcised as an accelerator, and offers a sensation of its own. Women who have experienced both are divided — as they are over which looks sexier. If he is uncircumcised and she prefers the other, he can retract it — if vice versa, simply nd other amusements. Flick across with the tongue and apply sustained pressure while he simply relaxes. Reserve this technique, however, until he is ready to come more or less instantly.
The testes produce sperm; the scrotum is the control device to keep them producing it at the right temperature, moving up when he is cold and down when he is warm. Gentle tongue and nger work or cupping in the hand is about right, or try a ngertip along the visible center line and gentle teasing on the perineum between scrotum and anus. She can take it right into her mouth. You can get it out of clothing or furnishings either with a sti brush, when the stain has dried, or with a dedicated cleanser designed to remove blood.
If you spill it over each other, massage it gently in. If you want a very copious ejaculate, he can masturbate nearly, but not quite, to orgasm about an hour beforehand to increase prostate secretion. If his semen tastes bad, try altering his diet, and if that makes no di erence, get a checkup — it can indicate health problems. She may like to know that an average ejaculation delivers about ve calories and a dose of vitamin C. Not only its feel when touched, but its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers for a whole range of sexual feelings.
Built in; the so-called erogenous zones are the ones most rich in nerve endings — lips, earlobes, feet, buttocks, breasts as well as genitals. Sensitivity will vary — for both according to mood and for her according to menstrual cycle. But it can be boosted in some people by emphasis, and by adding other textures, especially fur, rubber, leather, or tight clothing. The normal excited vagina is correctly set for friction; if she is too wet, dry gently with a handkerchief-wrapped nger not tissues — you will never stop nding the bits.
More lasting dryness can be due to stress, infections, medication, depression, hormonal ups and downs, and some medical conditions; see a doctor. If more lubrication is needed, saliva is the best natural one.
There is also much to be said for the many commercial possibilities o ering added sensation, smells, and tastes, though note that oil-based ones destroy latex condoms, silicone-based ones destroy silicone sex toys, and some anesthetize. As with all extragenital sites, they are more responsive in women than men, whose skin is literally as well as metaphorically thicker. Once made sensitive gentle ngering, sucking, and so on during build-up and before orgasm, to condition the response , earlobes can trigger full climax from manipulation alone.
Heavy earrings help, and can actually maintain subliminal erotic excitement, especially if they are long enough to brush the neck when she turns her head — this is, in fact, the original function of the large Eastern and Spanish candelabra-type earrings. Safe installation and skillful handling of other types of body jewelry can provide additional erotic pleasure.
If she is plump, she can hold up the skin on each side to make labia. In any case, the nger or tongue tip slips into it naturally in both sexes. Also a key site for pheromones, which cling, following perspiration, to underarm hair and generate arousal see cassolette. Axillary intercourse is an occasional variation.
Handle it as for intermammary intercourse see breasts , but with his penis under her right arm — well under, so that friction is on the shaft, not the glans, as in any other unlubricated area. Her left arm goes around his neck and he holds her right hand behind her with his right hand. She will get her sensations from the pressure against her breasts, helped by his big toe pressed to her clitoris if she wants it see big toe. Not an outstandingly rewarding trick, but worth trying if you like the idea.
Their erotic sensitivity varies a lot. Sometimes, when they are the only part you can reach, they serve as channels of communication, and the big toe makes a good penis substitute see big toe.
You can try it as a stimulus or, brie y, for testing the e ectiveness of bondage see ligottage, and rope work. Firm pressure on the sole at the instep, however administered, is erogenous to most people.
But so can almost any touch be in a woman who is that way minded — one can get a full orgasm from a foot, a nger, or an earlobe. Men respond far less but equally easily if the handling is skillful. The famous gentleman in erotic prints who is keeping six women successfully occupied is using tongue, penis, both hands, and both big toes. The toe can be used in mammary or armpit intercourse or any time he is astride her, or sits facing as she lies or sits.
In a restaurant, one can surreptitiously remove a shoe and sock, reach out, and keep her in almost continuous orgasm with all four hands fully in view on the table top and no sign of contact — a party trick that rates as really advanced sex, though she may appear more than a little distracted.
She has less scope, but can learn to masturbate him with his penis held between her two big toes. The toes reputedly have a direct nerve link to the genitals, and can be kissed, sucked, tickled, or tied with stimulating results.
Our culture, having learned in the past to associate long hair with women and short hair with manly conformity, has been occasionally excited to frenzy when young males rejected the stereotype and wore their hair long. Be that as it may, long male hair today tends to go with a less anxious idea of maleness. Sex play with long hair is great because of its texture — you can handle it, touch each other with it, and generally use it as one more resource.
Unless part of mutual mock ghts, tugging and pulling is a total turno and will break you out of your sex trance. Some women are turned on by a fair amount of masculine body hair because it looks virile, others are turned o by it because it looks animal — this seems to be a matter of attitude.
Male facial hair is another focus of convention — sometimes everyone has it as a social necessity or a response to convention, at other times it is persecuted, or con ned to sailors, pioneers, and creative people such as artists and chefs.
Today you can please yourself, or better, your partner. If you do shave it once, you are, however, committed to a prickly interregnum while it regrows. Some nowadays prefer it o in the interest of fashion or total nudity, or prefer the hardness of the bare pubis.
Others nd it decorative and regard it as a resource. Try brushing it lightly and learn to caress with it — it can be combed, twirled, kissed, held, even pulled.
In the woman it can move the whole pubis, skillfully handled, to the point of orgasm. As a halfway house, she can trim it creatively, con ning the triangle to the middle of the pubis with a bare strip each side — Brazilian style — removing hair that comes outside a G-string or a swimsuit, or trimming enough to make the vulva fully visible. One myth that has proved remarkably persistent is that you can tell whether a blonde is natural from the color of her pubic hair.
He may need to shave the penile shaft and root to use condoms — otherwise the hairs can get caught. This can produce sharp pain at a time when he should be experiencing intense pleasure. Everyone, ill or well, deserves sex if they want it. Yes, bad health can all too easily undermine sexual desire — even a heavy dose of the common cold can push sex right to the bottom of the list.
Both suppositions are wrong. Anyone who can think about sex can experience desire. Anyone who can feel anything in mouth, breasts, clitoris, penis — or can fantasize about feeling — has at least potential for arousal.
Anyone who can move ngers, tongue, or toes — or relate their fantasy — can arouse their partner. If none of that is possible or simply not wanted, then hugs, kisses, and hand-holding will give a sense of connection that can often do much to offset the absence of sex. What feels good may not be what felt good before illness struck. If tiredness is an issue, make love just after waking; if pain or sti ness is an issue, take painkillers and a hot bath half an hour beforehand.
If desire is low or orgasm is challenging, check medications; some act to undermine sexual response but can be changed, given the right conversation with your doctor. Terms and Conditions.
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Written by way of long island occasions bestselling writer Dr. Laura Berman, Loving intercourse explores a distinct element of sexuality, from the anatomy and physicality of arousal and orgasm, to the psychology of lust, love, and partnership. Show description. Read or Download Loving Sex: What makes marriages final?
What makes satisfied? Is it attainable for a so-so marriage to develop into a good one? From Dr. A mom, answering her cell, hears her daughter shrieking and screaming. Terrified, she calls the police who arrive on the daughter's condo, batter down the door--and locate the daughter, nude, in her bed room having intercourse together with her boyfriend.