Triumph over shyness pdf


 

Triumph Over Shyness. Conquering Social Anxiety Disorder. Second Edition. Murray B. Stein, MD, MPH. John R. Walker, PhD. Anxiety Disorders Association of. Triumph Over nbafinals.info - Ebook download as PDF File .pdf), Text File .txt) or read book online. Triumph Over Shyness is full of practical tips, helpful techniques, and more to help manage anxious thoughts and physical symptoms of social anxiety disorder.

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Triumph Over Shyness Pdf

Request PDF on ResearchGate | On Jan 1, , Murray B. Stein and others published Triumph over shyness: Conquering shyness and social anxiety ( Second. nbafinals.info Stein, M. B., and J. B. Walker. Triumph over shyness: Conquering shyness and social anxiety. New York: McGraw-Hill. (NU) - Suffering from much more than shyness, people with so- cial anxiety disorder experience se- vere anxiety in social encounters, often accompanied by a.

Murray B. Stein, MD John R. All rights reserved. Manufactured in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of , no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. All trademarks are trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than put a trademark symbol after every occurrence of a trademarked name, we use names in an editorial fashion only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark. Where such designations appear in this book, they have been printed with initial caps. McGraw-Hill eBooks are available at special quantity discounts to use as premiums and sales promotions, or for use in corporate training programs. Use of this work is subject to these terms. Except as permitted under the Copyright Act of and the right to store and retrieve one copy of the work, you may not decompile, disassemble, reverse engineer, reproduce, modify, create derivative works based upon, transmit, distribute, disseminate, sell, publish or sublicense the work or any part of it without McGraw-Hills prior consent. You may use the work for your own noncommercial and personal use; any other use of the work is strictly prohibited.

More important not if youre sitting next to one, however , baboons have a social hierarchy where one male is the boss or dominant , and others are subordinate; they stay away from him and exhibit submissive behaviors that let the boss know hes in charge. These behaviors include not looking directly at the head honcho baboon it is considered very bad form in most animal societies to stare directly into another animals eyes , keeping the head down when the chief baboon is in the vicinity, and letting the domi- nant animal have first access to food and water.

Sapolsky has shown that the submissive animals have very high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, in their blood. This goes to show that, in the words of Mel Brooks, Its good to be king. It is unclear whether having a high level of cortisol leads certain baboons to become submissive, or whether the stress of being sub- missive results in the high cortisol levels Sapolsky suspects the latter is the case.

This important work does, however, raise the question of whether social anxiety in humans is similar to social submissiveness in nonhuman primates. We can even see it in fish. Who Gets the Girl? The guppy behavior with which we are most familiar from caring for our childrens pets is the one where the guppy lies on its back and floats. But Dugatkin, who is obviously more adept at caring for fish than we are, gets his guppies to participate in some fascinating experiments.

Some guppies are bold and some guppies are timid. A bold guppy is one who will swim up to a big predator fish, stare it in the face, and risk getting eaten.

A timid guppy will hang out in the background and watch the predator fish from afar. Dugatkin and his students conduct experiments where they put guppies into tanks, then add a plastic predator fish and watch what happens.

They have learned that the behavior of particular guppies is very predictable. If youre a bold guppy one day, youre a bold guppy the next day. And vice versaif youre a timid guppy today, youre timid tomorrow, too. Furthermore, they found that bold guppies are more likely to be brightly colored usually orange than their timid confreres.

Its almost as if the bold guppies are saying to the predator fish, Here I am. Come and get me! This doesnt sound like a good way to promote ones survival, does it? As it turns out, bold orange boy guppies are more likely to get the girl than timid white or gray ones. That is, female guppies are more inter- ested in mating with the bright orange males.

This startling observation led to some remarkable occurrences. First, we have it on good authority that all the male students in Dugatkins lab showed up the next day with orange hair. Second, it got Dugatkin thinking about the pros and cons of being bold or timid.

He concluded that being bold if youre a guppy increases both your chances of procreating and the likelihood that you will be eaten by a predator. Being timid decreases your chances of procreating, but also decreases your chances of being eaten. Timid guppies may there- fore have a longer lifetime during which to mate. What does this tell us about the value of being bold or timid if you happen to be human? Well, possibly nothing, but its hard to resist a good fish story.

The point of the story, now that were forced to come up with one, is that if fish can be shy, then shyness must be a pretty basic behavior, one that doesnt require a lot of thinking or reasoning or learning. In the case of guppies, being timid or shy is almost certainly an inborn behaviormommy and daddy guppies dont teach it to their kids. Might this also be the case for human beings? The Or ig ins of Soc ial Anx ie t y 21 The Biology of Social Attachment Lets move away from monkeys and fish and talk about a species nearer and dearer to our hearts, the prairie vole.

What, you might ask, is a prairie vole? Neither of us has ever encountered a prairie vole, despite having spent most of our lives living on the prairie.

But Tom Insel, a distinguished neu- roscientist at Emory University, tells us that a prairie vole is a very social lit- tle rodent. Male prairie voles are monogamous. Our editor tells us that using monogamous as a descriptor for male is an oxymoron. Fortunately, our feelings are not easily hurt. A closely related creature, the montane vole, lacks the family values of the Midwest prairie vole and fails to estab- lish the same kinds of close and enduring social relationships.

It apparently hangs out in the vole equivalent of singles bars and leaves a trail of little broken vole hearts in its wake. These two species of rodents are genetically very similar, though their brains differ slightly in their secretion patterns of a particular hormonevasopressin. Vasopressin and a related hormone, oxytocin seem to play an important role in determining the extent to which these animals make and maintain social attachments. Researchers believe that these hormones may be important determinants of behavior in humans, too.

Inhibited Children. Socially Anxious Adults Parents and relatives are often struck by how different young children in the same family can be, beginning very early in life. Some children are eas- ily upset and frightened, whereas others rarely cry and are less easily fright- ened.

Some children sleep a great deal early in life, and others are wide awake and alert much of the time. Some children love to explore and try new things, and others are cautious and bothered by change.

We call these characteristics, present from very early in life, temperament.

Most of us have heard stories from our parents about our childhood temperaments, something most of us cannot clearly remember ourselves. Sometimes these stories define us, even as adults. Renowned developmental psychologist Jerome Kagan and his col- leagues at Harvard University have for the past decade and a half been studying behaviorally inhibited children.

By inhibited, they mean children who, from an early age, are slow to warm up in the presence of strangers and timid about exploring new environments. About 15 to 20 percent of the children Kagan studied had this form of behavior at 3 years of age. In a series of important studies, Kagans group has shown that the most inhib- ited of these children tend to stay this way as they grow older.

This is not to 22 Tr iumph O ver Shy ness say that all children who are behaviorally inhibited at 3 grow up to become socially phobic adults. The relationship is not nearly that clear.

In fact, many behaviorally inhibited children in the studies did outgrow it by the time they reached 7 years of age. Some of these children may have bene- fited from their parents efforts to help them overcome their behavioral inhibition; well talk more about this later in this book. But very inhibited children are three to four times as likely as less inhibited children to be- come anxious adults. Behaviorally inhibited children are also more likely to have a parent with social anxiety disorder, suggesting that the conditions are related.

It has also been shown that social anxiety disorder, particularly the general- ized type, tends to run in families. How might we explain these findings? It is possible, of course, that par- ents with social anxiety disorder behave in ways that lead their children to be inhibited. For example, a child might see his father avoid talking to new people, or refuse to answer the phone. The child might get the message that these situations are frightening or dangerous, and might therefore begin to fear them.

In addition, socially anxious parents might attempt to protect their child from the experiences that they recall made them anxious when they were young. For example, if a socially anxious mother sees her son begin to cry when left with other children, she might rescue the child by taking him in her arms, rather than encourage him to stay in the situation and learn to cope.

So it may be that behaviorally inhibited children learn these patterns from socially anxious adults. But social anxiety might also be transmitted genetically. If we look at identical twins, whose genes are percent similar, we find that levels of shyness and social anxiety are fairly similarmore so than in nonidentical fraternal twins, whose genes are 50 percent similar the same as nontwin siblings.

This leads us to conclude that genes influence a persons tendency to be socially anxious. Probably many genes rather than a single shyness gene , each of which contributes a little to ones person- ality, influence a persons level of shyness or social anxiety. Investigators around the world are searching for these genes.

We remind you that we do not suggest that genes are the only things that determine whether a person will be socially anxious. Experiences both early and later in life, as well as family environment, also shape peoples personalities beyond the influence of their genes. But genetic makeup forms the basic template for personality including the tendency to be The Or ig ins of Soc ial Anx ie t y 23 shy , and this may affect the way we experience the world as we grow up.

These experiences may, in turn, influence the way our biological systems including the brain develop, and therein the ways we view and interact with the world.

But genes and biology are not destiny. Many conditions are strongly influenced but not ultimately determined by genetic factors. Examples include diabetes and heart disease.

If you inherit bad insulin genes or bad cholesterol genes from your parents, you can modify your behavior change your diet, exercise regularlyto increase your chances of staying healthy. If this is true for conditions such as diabetes and heart disease, it must be equally trueif not more sofor social anxiety disorder.

Some of us may inherit more than our fair share of shyness genes. This doesnt mean that disabling social anxiety will paralyze us. Human beings have the option of choosing to change the way they experience their lives. You can adopt a new world view.

You can get rid of old habits. Anxious genes or notyou can overcome social anxiety. Growing-Up Years The people who influence us when we are children have a profound impact on our development. Whether we like it or not, our parents, our siblings, our teachers, and our friends all play a part in determining who we become. Some people with social anxiety come from healthy, supportive families. But when we look at a large number of people with serious social anxiety, we find that many more of them have troubled family backgrounds than do people without anxiety.

Triumph Over Shyness.pdf

It is worthwhile to consider how your family background may have helped or hindered the development of your confi- dence in social situations.

Janice: My father was an alcoholic. Janice is a year-old checkout clerk at a large supermarket who has had problems with social anxiety and depression since her midteens. She recalls seeing her father, an appliance salesman, come home drunk many nights. She says that her father was a happy drunk.

He didnt scream at or hit Janice or her mother. But he spoke loudly and was 24 Tr iumph O ver Shy ness often drunk when they were out in public, and Janice remembers being ashamed of him.

As a teenager, she worried that other kids would see her father when he was drunk which was much of the time. She dis- couraged her father from attending school functions and never brought friends home from school. Janice believes her fathers alcoholism was an important factor in her development of social anxiety disorder.

She thinks her fathers drinking made her fearful of being around other people.

Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Shyness & Social Anxiety by Murray B. Stein

She also believes that her desire to keep others away from her father led her to lose friends, a problem that got worse as she got older. More than 10 years ago, Janice saw a therapist who specialized in treating adult children of alcoholics. Janice stopped therapy after a year, feeling she had made a lot of progress working through the anger she harbored toward her father, as well as toward her mother, whom she felt should have done something to make her dad stop drinking.

Janices parents are divorced, and though she still sees her mother reg- ularly, she rarely sees or speaks to her father. She continues to experi- ence problems with social anxiety. Many people with social anxiety report that one or both of their parents had a drinking problem. Janice believes her fathers alcoholism contributed to her becoming socially anxious, and she might be right.

Janice found it useful to talk with a therapist about her relationship with her father. It helped her let go of some of the resentment she felt toward him, but this didnt help her cope with her social anxiety.

Triumph Over Shyness.pdf

Gaining insight into the ori- gins of a social anxiety problem is, in our experience, rarely sufficient to make the problem go away. More often than not, overcoming social anxi- ety requires an active approachthe kind youll be learning about in this book.

By the same token, you dont have to resolve childhood conflicts with your parents in order to overcome social phobia. Sometimes these conflicts run very deep and cannot be resolved. This doesnt mean that you cant directly tackle your shyness. You can. Resolving longstanding conflicts with parents can be gratifying, but if you cant do it, or you choose not to, this will not interfere with your ability to overcome your social anxiety.

Fur- thermore, if you feel that your social anxiety is the major problem in your life right now, we recommend that you focus on it right nowand leave other matters for later. Nobody is without emotional baggage. You dont need to unload it all to deal with social anxiety!

Also read: LOVER REBORN PDF

Karen is a year-old schoolteacher with social anxiety disorder. Her supervisor said she was executive material and agreed to pay her tuition and give her time off to attend classes. Jennifer was terrified.

Throughout her education, she had avoided taking classes that would require her to speak in front of others. She read- ily acknowledged that one of the reasons she had become a programmer in the first place was that the courses involved no public speaking, and grades were based on written work only. The thought of participating in an MBA programrife with seminars and presentationswas more than Jennifer felt she could handle.

She wanted to decline, but knew this would sabotage her career. This is when Jennifer came to us for treatment. The Most Common Fear 15 Jennifer has nongeneralized social phobia, in this case limited to public speaking. Although she has struggled with this throughout her life, she has been able to avoid public speaking until now. But now her public speaking anxiety is interfering with her career goals.

This is often when people with nongeneralized social phobia seek helpwhen they can no longer success- fully avoid the situations that bring on their anxiety. Contrast this with people who suffer from generalized social phobia. These people fear a broad array of social situations, usually from both the performance and interactional categories.

Yes, they may be unable to speak in front of large groups of people, but that is often the least of their wor- ries. People with generalized social phobia are often uncomfortable in the kinds of social situations that most people take for granted: eating in restaurants, making small talk with colleagues, and attending parties and other social events.

People who suffer from generalized social phobia may find that the situations they fear and avoid are so ubiquitous that there are relatively few areas where they function comfortably. It should come as no surprise that this is the most severe form of social phobia.

He has a masters degree in electrical engineering, but has not worked in this field for some time. He comes to us for treatment of what he calls his pathological shyness.

Kerry has been shy for as long as he can remember. He recalls being frightened to speak up in class and having few friends as a youngster. He remembers that he was teased a lot in grade school by his peers, who made fun of his weight he was a chubby kid and of his clumsiness I had absolutely no talent in sports whatsoever.

He acknowledges that he has been sensitive to criticism throughout his life, and that he still takes even the tiniest slight to heart. In his teens, Kerry found he was unable to speak to women, despite an intense interest in them. He found himself paralyzed when he had to approach a girl: Id freeze, Id blush, and I couldnt say a word even if a gun had been pointed at my head.

Actually, thats what I felt like insidelike a gun had been pointed at me! He blamed himself for his weakness, dropped out of high school, and began drinking exces- sively. Within a few years, Kerry had become an alcoholic. He continued to live with his mother, but was not working and did little other than 16 Tr iumph O ver Shy ness drink. To his credit, he was ableafter several failed attempts My doctor told me to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I tried, but there was no way I could speak in front of all those people to quit drink- ing.

He went back to school and eventually earned a masters degree. He finally mustered the courage to ask out a fellow student, whom he married after a brief courtship, but he resumed drinking and the mar- riage soon failed. When we saw him for treatment, Kerry had been sober for two years. He had obtained his teachers certificate, and was in his first year of teaching science to fifth- and sixth-graders. He enjoyed the job, and from all accounts was good at it. Yet he found himself unable to inter- act with the other teachers, who viewed him as distant or snobbish.

He had no social life, was back living with his mother, and was terrified that if things didnt improve, he might start drinking again. Kerry has had problems with severe social anxiety throughout his life. His anxiety is not limited to one or two scenarios. Rather, his social anxiety is pervasive, adversely affecting many areas of his life. Like many people with generalized social phobia, Kerrys symptoms worsened in adoles- cence, a time when many people become extremely sensitive about the way they are perceived by their peers.

Kerry began using alcohol excessively, also a problem that affects many people with social phobia. We will dis- cuss this further in Chap. Kerrys generalized social phobia continues to have a profound negative impact on his life. Am I Too Socially Anxious? The answer to this question requires that you ask yourself, Does my social anxiety make me feel nervous or uncomfortable a lot of the time? Does my social anxiety interfere with things I want to do now or in the foreseeable future?

Does it prevent me from doing things? Does it keep me from enjoy- ing pleasurable activities? Does it lead to me being alone and lonely? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have social phobia. The good news is that help is available. The purpose of this book is to provide you with information that will enable you to tackle your shyness and social anxiety head-on.

You will need a good understanding of what social anxiety looks like and feels like, where it may be coming from, and what other kinds of problems are often associated with it. These are the topics we cover in the rest of Part One. In Part Two, we The Most Common Fear 17 focus on self-help, and outline specific techniques and exercises you can use to help yourself overcome shyness and social anxiety.

We also cover medication and treatments for children and adolescents in Part Two. In Part Three, we talk about ways to improve your relationships. An epilogue describes the highs and lows you may encounter as you strive to free your- self from social anxiety. Finally, we list a variety of resources you may find useful as you continue the work. The answer is complex, but we think fascinating.

There is evi- dence that shyness and excessive social anxiety are based in biology. But learning and experience also contribute. In this chapter, we will review some exciting research about the origins of social anxiety, emphasizing what we do and do not know.

What Have We Learned from Monkeys? We can learn a lot from watching animals. Just last month, one of us spent a week watching dogs at play and learned to fetch. We also learned of a some- what unorthodoxfor humansuse of trees, but thats better left alone.

Stay tuned for our next book, Overcoming Your Fear of Vegetation. Some scientists apparently with a lot of time on their hands, or with tenure spend weeks and months watching nonhuman primates for instance, baboons in their natural habitats, with the goal of learning about their behavior. They believe that by studying the actions of nonhuman primates, they will learn about some of the factors that govern the way we behave. In this section, we use the terms monkey, baboon, ape, chimpanzee, nonhuman primate, and Volvo interchangeably, belying our inability to tell most of these creatures apart.

We hope that animal lovers, zoologists, and those of you who actually conduct this research will forgive us this imprecision. Click here for terms of use. Monkeys are more like humans than many of us care to acknowledge.

They live in families, care for their young, and interact in very sophisticated ways that reveal a complex underlying social structure sometimes referred to as a social hierarchy. They live in groups where one monkey becomes the boss and the others have specific, well-defined roles. There are different rules for baby monkeys, adolescents and adults. Sound familiar? The fact that monkeys develop a sophisticated social structure suggests that there are innate biological factors driving these behaviors.

We therefore believe that these factors must also be operative, to a greater or lesser extent, in the most evolved primates, human beings.

We have learned from studying nonhuman primates that some behav- iors are biologically determined. Shyness is a good example. Some baby monkeys are inquisitive and daring, while others are inhibited and timid.

These tendencies, which show themselves early in life, are strongly deter- mined by genes, and probably less so by the environment. This is not to say, however, that genes alone determine shyness or any other trait. Nor does it suggest that if youre born with shy genes you are destined to be a shy person for the remainder of your days. Nothing in life is that simple. These are fairly large nonhuman primates that Robert Sapol- sky, a renowned researcher at Stanford University, studies in the wilds of a tropical island jungle.

Although this may sound like an excellent scheme for writing off ones vacation, Sapolsky is a serious scientist who, we must admit, seems to enjoy his work just a little bit more than anyone has a right to with an interest in the neurobiology of stress. He has found, through years of painstaking work in the field, that baboons smell bad.

More important not if youre sitting next to one, however , baboons have a social hierarchy where one male is the boss or dominant , and others are subordinate; they stay away from him and exhibit submissive behaviors that let the boss know hes in charge. These behaviors include not looking directly at the head honcho baboon it is considered very bad form in most animal societies to stare directly into another animals eyes , keeping the head down when the chief baboon is in the vicinity, and letting the domi- nant animal have first access to food and water.

Sapolsky has shown that the submissive animals have very high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, in their blood. This goes to show that, in the words of Mel Brooks, Its good to be king. It is unclear whether having a high level of cortisol leads certain baboons to become submissive, or whether the stress of being sub- missive results in the high cortisol levels Sapolsky suspects the latter is the case.

This important work does, however, raise the question of whether social anxiety in humans is similar to social submissiveness in nonhuman primates. We can even see it in fish. Who Gets the Girl? The guppy behavior with which we are most familiar from caring for our childrens pets is the one where the guppy lies on its back and floats. But Dugatkin, who is obviously more adept at caring for fish than we are, gets his guppies to participate in some fascinating experiments.

Some guppies are bold and some guppies are timid. A bold guppy is one who will swim up to a big predator fish, stare it in the face, and risk getting eaten. A timid guppy will hang out in the background and watch the predator fish from afar.

Dugatkin and his students conduct experiments where they put guppies into tanks, then add a plastic predator fish and watch what happens. They have learned that the behavior of particular guppies is very predictable.

If youre a bold guppy one day, youre a bold guppy the next day. And vice versaif youre a timid guppy today, youre timid tomorrow, too. Furthermore, they found that bold guppies are more likely to be brightly colored usually orange than their timid confreres.

Its almost as if the bold guppies are saying to the predator fish, Here I am. Come and get me! This doesnt sound like a good way to promote ones survival, does it? As it turns out, bold orange boy guppies are more likely to get the girl than timid white or gray ones. That is, female guppies are more inter- ested in mating with the bright orange males.

This startling observation led to some remarkable occurrences. First, we have it on good authority that all the male students in Dugatkins lab showed up the next day with orange hair. Second, it got Dugatkin thinking about the pros and cons of being bold or timid. He concluded that being bold if youre a guppy increases both your chances of procreating and the likelihood that you will be eaten by a predator.

Being timid decreases your chances of procreating, but also decreases your chances of being eaten. Timid guppies may there- fore have a longer lifetime during which to mate.

What does this tell us about the value of being bold or timid if you happen to be human? Well, possibly nothing, but its hard to resist a good fish story.

The point of the story, now that were forced to come up with one, is that if fish can be shy, then shyness must be a pretty basic behavior, one that doesnt require a lot of thinking or reasoning or learning. In the case of guppies, being timid or shy is almost certainly an inborn behaviormommy and daddy guppies dont teach it to their kids. Might this also be the case for human beings? The Or ig ins of Soc ial Anx ie t y 21 The Biology of Social Attachment Lets move away from monkeys and fish and talk about a species nearer and dearer to our hearts, the prairie vole.

What, you might ask, is a prairie vole?

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